Not feeling like writing much these days, I am hoping the urge come back when I move.
I might be handed the keys tomorrow to the apartment so I can start moving some stuff in, like bed and things. I have gotten 4 boxes of items from my mother, glasses, cups etc. And a lot of paintings and decorative items. Which is awesome, means I will save a lot of money not having to get those things. I can’t really afford it anyways. There are so many things I need that you don’t really think of, like laundry baskets and bathroom items, rack to dry clothes on, all spices etc to make food with. Just small things that are going to add up to a lot of money.
But one thing at a time, let’s just move all the shit into the apartment that I do have, and take it from there.
I haven’t packed my things at Eirik’s either, hopefully this weekend. It really needs to be done, but still dreading it.
Also have therapy on Monday, then I have like 4 days of assessment things rest of the week. I was hoping we could start out slow, but apparently its 4 days a week. I feel that is too much for me, but they look at it negatively if you don’t come so I am not sure how I am going to cope with that.
First of all I have to conquer my fear of riding buses, changing buses etc, then I have to do this 4-5 times a week, straight for the getgo? I’m feeling sick just thinking of it. And then there is the issue of affording it? Buses are horribly expensive here, hopefully I will get enough discounts so I can afford it, maybe I also can get some aid in paying for it, who knows.
Then I have to contact different things to change my address, change my social services office and contact. Apply for housing allowance and probably a lot of other things I actually don’t know of yet….. BLEH!
Then there is the living alone thing… Never ever have I lived alone, slept alone in an apartment. I’m 30 years old and never slept alone haha. Always had someone in the house, either a partner, or had family in the house sleeping in the next room. I’m sure it will be okay but I am not looking forward to the first night. Might not even sleep the first night, or I have to bug someone to keep me company for a while. OR just drug up with some sleeping pills. Yeah it will be okay. Just me being silly.
But I’ve always been scared of being alone. Whenever Eirik was out, and we didn’t have Nemo, I could never sleep until he came home.
I have a lot of things to be excited for, but I also have a lot of things that I am scared of. Right now I am feeling safe enough cause I have my brother, driving me around and helping me. But next week this time, I am alone and gotta sort it all myself, how will it go? Will I do it with ease? Will I become a nervous wreck? Will I have a breakdown and hide? Will I surprise myself? Time will tell…