Closing a chapter.

Time for another update ey ? I have been very quiet lately, and I actually did get a mail, wondering how I was holding up.

Well, I can start by saying, on Thursday was my last session in the intensive therapy group. 5 months has passed, and now it’s all over. Originally I was suppose to be in this group for 3 months, but it ended up with 5 months, because I reacted very well to it, and because I am still waiting for another group I am going to join. Still waiting for room, for lil old me.

I had a meeting with NAV (social services thingy) and it was mostly just a meeting, updating them ( as they give me money to survive) and we agreed on a plan for the future.

First I have to attend some meetings, where we figure out what I want to do, what I can do etc. Then we will have to find out where I can actually start with my “work training”. Apparently this assessment of what I can do and what I will fit, would be going on 5 days a week. That won’t work for me, since I currently live up in nowhere land with no buses etc. And I cannot have my brother driving me 40 minutes each day, while sitting there waiting for me till I am done, for so to drive me home. I am not really looking forward to all this, mostly just because of the hassle it will make for my brothers.

I am sure I can deal with all the planning, new people etc, but the thought of me being a burden on someone is something I still cannot cope very well with. My therapist say, “you are not a burden, your brother and his family would not help you if they didn’t want to.”

And yes while that might be correct, I’ve also learned in therapy, that not everyone is able to say no, and they struggle with that. Feeling the burden of always having to say yes, and help out, even if they don’t have the energy and whatnot.

Then there is the thought of finding an apartment. It’s hard, I have no idea of what I am suppose to be paying for rent, what should be included or not. How much can I really afford? Most apartments is around 8k (nok) and I get payed 12k (nok) each month. That leaves 4k for food, and other important things. Which is too low, the minimum is 5k, not included internet, insurances and electricity/water/sewer shit.

And even if the apartment is around 8k, a lot of them have not included electricity and water etc. So these thoughts panic me a lot. To make this decision of renting, when I don’t know how I will do in terms of money. Right now that scares me more, then the thought of being alone. It’s the decision making I dread. What if I fuck up, and it will be all my fault heh. Sounds so stupid.

And another issue is that I need a location that has buses/trains nearby as I don’t have a licence. So those apartments I can afford, they are far out in the middle of nowhere, that wont work.

Yesh, so mostly I am okay, I panic sometimes. I hide a lot in my room. I’ve shut down a bit, like I have closed up my thoughts and fears a bit, and didn’t the last therapy sessions to good use. I don’t wanna look at the future right now, but I don’t want to look at the present either. I don’t want to sit here, and get no where, but I don’t wanna see the future, cause it might have lots of failures.

On the other hand, I am trying, I am trying to find small things I am going to enjoy. Like I can do what I want, I can record, make videos and upload, focus on my channel as much as I want. I can’t do that right now, but in the future I can.

I might find a nice job, make some new friends. That can be nice? I can save up money, maybe go somewhere by myself?

Anyways, I got a nice surprise at my last therapy session, one of the members, one of those I connected very nicely with, he gave me a present.

WIN_20160206_131450

That is pretty cool! It’s a necklace and it’s from a manga! I’ll leave it to you to guess where it’s from. I loved it anyways, such a cool gift ❤

I will remember my time in the group forever, I learned a lot of valuable lessons – advice – things in general, I met a lot of amazing people, heard many different stories, some very tough, but also some nice. I bonded with people, and they will always be apart of me. Whenever things will get tough, I will try to remember them, thinking they are there with me, cheering for me, backing me up.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Closing a chapter.

  1. Congrats on making it through this far! 🙂 I’m having a hard time with my apartment situation, too. Even though I have a job, my student loans are a mile high, and my only option may be to share an apartment with someone to cut the rent in half. I really do crave independence, and to have a place I can 100% call my own, but it may just have to wait. It’s hard, but there must be a way.

    The important thing, I think, is to find the right people you can interact with to keep you sane and happy. I have a couple of friends I go out of my way to see often, and my online friends have been a life saver as well.

    I appreciate you sharing your experiences. As you probably have been told many times, you are not alone in your struggles, and I can relate to some of what you are going through. Good luck with your new journey!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you find a place on your own but understand the situation, financially it would be better for me aswell to share with someone, but with my mental “issues” I just feel that I can’t share. It does help to hear someone is in a similar situation, although I obv wish you weren’t.

      Best of luck ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the update Missy, I was wondering what was going on too.

    Yeah, getting all set up in world with an Apartment and Job and everything can seems a bit daunting. I hope you can work it all out successfully.

    Nice gift someone gave you from Therapy and it sounds like like Therapy was really good for you. Keep progressing and lots of hugs from me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey, you’re doing it! And if you make a decision that doesn’t work out? That’s not “wrong” or “fucking up”, it’s just a decision that didn’t work out, and that’s okay. That’s a bridge you can cross when you come to it but worse comes to worse, you’re back with your family again, right?

    Oooh pretty gift! Fairy Tale? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s