It’s kind of funny, around August I decided to change blogs over to this one. I had made up my mind that my blog should be focused on my gaming rather then my “disorders”. I wanted to get rid of that aspect of myself by keeping it out of my blog.
But now, 6 months later, most things I have written about, is my private life. I guess, that is what I really wanna do. Write about me… That sounds kinda weird, an older me would call it narcissistic and meant it. Now I only joke about being a narcissist. This is where I am me, this is my space, where I practice taking space in the world. Even if it’s on a blank page, it does help me a little, taking space in the real world. While I still have issues with it, at least it’s gotten a bit easier.
I guess I ended up changing the tune of my blog fully is because it feels good, it feels right. It helps.
While I write a lot about my issues, anxiety and depression, those things doesn’t define who I am. It’s just a part of me, for the time being. I am much more then the sadness and the fear that I often describe. But my experiences and my “quest” through therapy has been really good for me, and it still is.
I talk about it to get understanding, but also to understand myself. I have learned a lot about myself by sitting here and typing. I learn something almost every day, and every time I click that post button, I gain something. I gain more confidence in myself, more understanding of myself. Sometimes I also get sad as fuck, but it’s okay, I am allowed. We all get sad sometimes.
I also do write so people can get a little glimpse of how depression and anxiety can be, while it’s not the same for everyone, I am pretty sure a lot of people recognize some of the things I write, in themselves. And perhaps find comfort. And I hope, it has helped someone, in one shape or form.
I like the thought of sharing my journey, that people can see it’s normal that you have ups and downs, that people can see that it’s possible to improve. Even if I sometimes doubt the journey myself, on good days I see that it is helpful.
Don’t let depression and anxiety define who you are, cause it isn’t who you are, you are just sick, and if you are sick, you can get well. Depression and anxiety can and will hold you back at start, but accept that it’s there, talk about it, tell people, even if you can’t talk to family, write about it or talk to someone online. Every little thought shared, is a step to chipping of that meteorite on your shoulders.
Go to therapy, it’s not wrong or bad. It’s good, it’s helpful, it’s okay! If not, at least, share with someone.
Sometimes you will feel awesome, like everything will be super, then you get a downer and think “FUCKING HELL, this never ends” “I suck” ” I am useless” “Everyone hates me”
Perhaps it will never truly totally end, but it will get better. Take time in investing in yourself, be selfish, think of yourself. Most important person in your life is you. If you are not happy, if you don’t take care of you, how can you make anyone else truly happy and care for them?
Most of Christmas has been a small hell for me, while people probably haven’t seen it, it’s been hard. But I lived 😀 I am here. And I did have one nice evening! Better then I expected ❤