So I did what I said I wouldn’t, I pre-ordered Legion. Why you ask? Well, I have found the guild I am suppose to be in, I am having a lot of fun with them, they have accepted me for who I am, a quirky, friendly and sometimes anxious person.
I had my doubts for a few days, I came to a point where I was starting to get comfortable in the guild, at that stage the rush of “get the hell out of here” comes over me. The fright of being left out, frozen out, disliked overwhelms me, so I run off. But this time, I decided I should talk about it instead. So went to Frez, one of our lovely officers and told her all about my fears and issues, she was a good listener, and had good suggestions for me. And after a nice chat, she calmed me down and I felt at ease. And am now in a very happy place in the guild, and I trust them, and they are a joy to play with. And blabla anxiety shit… I know it’s boring.
So with the purchase of Legion, came a boost to 100. I had already planned out what to use the boost for if I decided to buy the expansion and that was a mage. It’s one of the classes I have never leveled up and always wanted. She is a frosty and named Iceflake. I sometimes call my self a “special snowflake”, and of course that name was taken so, Iceflake it is.
I also got a nice surprise a couple of days ago, where I got asked by our lovely guild master, which I call OnionMaster, if I wanted to become an officer of the guild. Just because I care for the people in it, and because, I’m actually not sure. It seemed he had been thinking about it for a while anyways.
While I had some worries when he asked, he quickly let me now that it was to be a no stress situation, as he is aware of my “crazy syndrome”. That I could take the tasks I myself wanted, and if I ever felt stressed out I could just take a step back. I could be more of the people person in the guild if that suited me. But ey, I am not scared of some responsibility, as long as I don’t feel any pressure, which there isn’t.
So yes, I am content, people seem to like me, and people do say they like me too, and I actually believe them. I don’t know if it’s just these guild friends or if it is me who is feeling a bit better about myself, but it’s nice to feel wanted and valued. I am slowly starting to believe that my opinions matter, that I have things to say that people are willing to listen to. Largely because of therapy, but I think I also joined this guild at the perfect time. As I am on the recovery, these people help me realize things, that aren’t always that easy when you are isolated in the real world. For the first time in my life, I am starting to feel like I am becoming who I am suppose to be, and I owe some of that to these wonderful people.
As for the therapy, I am now 7 weeks in the intensive group therapy, 7 out of 12. It’s going incredibly fast and I am starting to dread the day it’s going to end. I care for the people, and I will hate saying goodbye to them. But it is a part of the therapy as well.
Yesterday I had a private session, and my therapist spoke really highly of me, he was proud of my work, I did what I was suppose to do. I took initiative, talked about some incredibly hard and sensitive topics, I was very good at giving feedback to the other members of the group.
He asked me if I wanted to continue into another group when the first was done, and I did reply with a yes. I don’t want to fall back into my old self, and fixing 25 years of baggage is going to take time. And he agreed, so he was going to try his hardest to get me into a new group next year. It’s never certain if you will get a spot or not, but my chances are good since I have done the most out of my time there.
Who knows where I will be this time next year, but I am seriously starting to see some glimmering lights at the end of this incredibly long, sad, scary tunnel. I could cry, if I wasn’t so flattened by my medicine, perhaps that’s a good thing.
So thank you Singularity and a Special thanks to OnionMaster and Frez who had to deal with my shit. (not that they actually read, but it’s good to say :P)
/Missy aka Lana