Howdy. Been a while hasn’t it. I have been pretty exhausted, starting the therapy and changing my routines etc. But I am finally starting to settle a bit.
Therapy is going fine, not sure if it’s going to work for me, but ey, I am going through with it. I’ve been through my second week and I am not that nervous going in anymore.
I am fine talking when doing the picture therapy thing, don’t really feel nervous about showing my shitty image, and talking about it. That’s all fine. Only thing I have issue with in therapy is when I talk, and no one says anything after. It’s just total silence and all eyes on me, while no one says a word. That is really awkward. But it’s a part of it.
Sometimes I speak to fast, rather then thinking through what I am going to say, and that means I don’t always actually tell the actual truth. Like when we were talking about anger, there was a question if I let my anger go out on my friends. And I said no. But after thinking about it for a while, I did recall several episodes where I have lashed out on them. But then I don’t actually dare say it out loud. Guess I will learn from that and think more before speaking, to try and be honest, cause it’s really important to get all that out, to heal.
I am not an angry person anymore, like I used to be. But I have always thought that I only lashed out on my mother. But that is not true. I have lashed out on teachers. One time I got so mad I slammed a door in my teachers face, so it almost hit him. Another time I got so mad at my main teacher that I screamed so hard at him, that he left me a post it note after our lunch-break saying he was sorry. So yes, I have lashed out on people other then the close people in my life, but I did not admit that in therapy. I am admitting it now.
I also said I had never been physical, only by throwing things. That was also a lie. One time me and my mother argued, I was in my teens, and I cornered her in front of the fridge, and pushed her into it.
There has also been a time where I poured a whole bottle of cola on top of someones head. So yes I have been physical, and I feel horrible about it. But I haven’t said it before.
I have apologized to my mother, but it should never have happened. I could never control my rage when I was younger, and I regret it so much.
I am thankful I met my boyfriend. I haven’t been in that raging state ever since, because he wont take any bullshit from me. And he has helped me get rid of that. Sure I can get irritated and such, but we talk, and I never get that blackout anymore.
So there you have it. My confession. It’s hard to say out loud. But now I have. And maybe I can get past it. And I think it’s fitting to use my gif to celebrate this:
Thanks @Sigtric for my gif 😛
The conversation where it was born comes from Twitter.
I have been playing some games lately as well.
Me and BF wanted a game to play together, and we settled on GTA5 actually. We had watched so many videos of it on Youtube, so why not just get it ourselves!? Well, it was pretty expensive I think, for the amount of time it has been out. But in the end we bought a game each on steam. And we think it was worth it as we have had loads of fun so far.
We have been racing cars obviously, it’s fun beating Eirik in car racing hehe. Not that I win all the time, but yeah, I am pretty good at racing cars, I have to say. Here is my avatar, slightly brused, and BF behind me, smashing his car. Yes, he is wearing a paperbag on his head. Don’t ask me why.
But as I am using keyboard and he is using a controller, he is having a hell of a lot easier time riding those damn helicopters. I can’t ride em, I just crash, I suck so bad at it hehe., all you see is wreckage. But Eirik is pretty decent at it so we decided to go on a spree, robbing stores, with a helicopter 😛 Hehe kind of silly though isn’t it. You only get like a thousand dollars for robbing a store, and a helicopter is worth how much? Well it was fun anyways!
Here we are, landed on a roof after our successful robberies, earning a total of 4000 thousand dollars!
I must say, I really do enjoy this game. I haven’t actually played the single-player yet, we have only played online with each other, doing races and survival missions. Roaming the city etc, but yes totally worth the money.
I have also spent a lot of time in WoW, settling on my priest, Lanaluu. I am playing shadowpriest, and I am pleased with having that as a main now. Doing the jungle daily quests is easy for her, which makes it a bit more fun. I have always done things the hard way, doing quests in healing specs and such. So it’s a nice change of pace, making the tasks a bit more fun. And not taking forever I might add.
I got my garrison to level 3, which I really didn’t want, or plan to do. But there was no way past it if I was to do the dailies and to get some gear. I want to get some better gear so I can do some raid with the guild. Yes I joined one again. It’s been some months since I was in one now. But I wanted to find a guild that was sort of new, a place where the cliques wasn’t made yet. A place where we all can grow together towards Legion. And I think I have found a nice little group to hang out with, but who knows yet. I have only been there for a day haha. But the GM seems very nice and if the GM is a good person, the guild usually is as well / or will be.
I did warn the GM that I have been in my fair share of guilds before I joined, but I am sure we all have. I was open about how I sometimes play a lot and sometimes I don’t. So we will see how it goes. I really would like to have a place where I can hang out in Legion, and I feel it’s best to find a place before the expansion, rather then after it hits. Because there will be a hell of a lot of people searching for guilds at that point, and I feel it’s important for me to find my place before that happens. That I feel comfortable.
I kind of feel uncomfortable sharing that I have joined a guild now, because I have been so back and forth about guilds, being in one, not being in one. Being in the amount of guilds I have been in. But I can’t be the only one who has changed homes so many times. Not in the last year anyways. Not that I have been in many this last year, my own guild and the Tribe. So guess it just feels like it’s many but in reality it isn’t. Perhaps I feel like that because I have been playing so many games.
Anyways, also been doing some PvP, not much, but enough to almost have a full set of blue pvp gear. I am still squishy as a grape, but my damage seems to be pretty decent in random battlegrounds. It’s not that good in dungeons yet though. I think the issue might be because things die so fast, that I don’t have time to put out the damage, there is not enough burst. Only way to figure out where I am at on the map is when I get into some raiding.
Perhaps I will be comfortable enough to just have a pure damage-dealer in Legion and will chose a mage or Warlock. We will see. I feel like I am done with the healing and tanking now. A lot of it is because of the random lag spikes I have been getting, it’s so much easier to live with that as a damage-dealer, rather then a healer.
Anyways, gotta go there, time for bed.