I’m not sure if anyone is actually interested in hearing about my therapy and such but still, I think it’s a healthy habit for me to document it in some ways.
Today was the first session with Picture-therapy. I am not sure if that is correctly translated or not but the word kind of say it anyways.
It was almost as I pictured it. I had a lot of anxiety the day before this session, that type of anxiety I usually have before school / work. It’s the anxiety that bothers me the most, it takes hold a whole day before, and it stays there until the meeting is over the day after.
And when I am at school/work I feel like I am not myself, I have often compared it to being stuck in a bubble. I have recently come over a better description of it. It’s like I am this tiny tiny person, stuck inside my own head, watching out through someone else’s eyes, and the body is more on auto. I am just inside that head, watching what is going on outside. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling, being this way, day in and day out. It’s that feeling that really took control of me in the end and made me stop working and studying, because I couldn’t take it anymore and ended up in depression.
Well anyways, back to the therapy session. It works like this, we all sit in a circle at the start of the meeting we face each other and have a few minutes with relaxing exercise, like stretching our arms, back and neck etc, just to feel more at ease and to get comfortable. Can’t say it worked for me, my next almost killed me, feels like I have a huge knot in the neck area.
After the exercise we got our assignment. Sometimes you get an assignment to solve yourself, sometimes in groups and sometimes in pairs. Thankfully today it was solo, because it would have been super stressful to be grouping up on my first day.
The task was simple really, but at the same time very hard. We got a picture of a shoe, and on that shoe we were going to write down notes of what we felt was the most challenging thing for us doing group-therapy. With this we were going to paint, draw, even just cut out images in whatever magazines we wanted and make your own road.
You had to make a start and a finish, making an image in which way you wanted, draw a road, a hill, or just drawing lines, whatever you wanted, but you had to write down notes on the paper. The negative thoughts, the things that you had issues with, what was hard with therapy and what you felt was your issues.
At the end of the road, or whatever you decided to draw you had to write down notes about your end goals. And somewhere along that path you were going to put down that shoe, marking where you felt you were at in your journey.
We only had 30 minutes to draw and paint which was a bit disappointing, it meant that I had to make something shit, just to get down what I wanted. But I do get why we get a limited time on it, because how it looks isn’t important, it’s what you put on it, what you write and have the courage to show it to everyone else and talk about it, that is what is important,
I drew something, I am sure a lot of us would draw. I drew a hill with many ups and downs, some very steep hills. On the start of the painting, it was dark, a dark sky, with lots of black and blue, a very chaotic painting style, with a hard brush. It symbolized for me a chaotic world, with no order, lots of darkness and hardship, depression and anxiety.I put my shoe 1/3 onto the road, feeling that is where I am at, at the moment.
At the other side of the image, it was light blue with white, and smooth strokes, clean. It symbolizes calm, structure, routines, order, a safe place. That is where I want to be at the end of all this.
We could not take the pictures home, so I can’t show it, it was horrible anyways, but we do get them at the end when we are done, so we can see what we have gone through. I am thinking that is going to be exciting.