I’m feeling better.

Hello.

My last post was a very depressing post, and perhaps a bit worrisome for some, so I am giving you a little update.

I went to my therapist today, with BF as moral support, I have a tendency to minimize my troubles when I go to a meeting, so I thought it best to have BF as a backup in case I wasn’t completely honest and open.

I managed to talk openly and not trivialize my issues, and Eirik backed me up. My therapist came to the conclusion that he thinks I perhaps should try some different medication, but he needs to console with the doctor that works there before any changes can be made. So I guess that is a good thing. I have been on the same medication for two years now, and perhaps it’s needed to try something different, maybe my medicine isn’t working as it should anymore.

My daily rhythm has been very bad, half of it my fault, other half is my bf’s fault. We all came to the agreement that if BF is willing to get up earlier with me, 9 o’clock each day, I would go for a walk with him and our dog each day. So we both have a task that we are going to do, we both need to put some effort into it. It will make it easier for me to get out, if Eirik also has to “sacrifice” something – getting up in the morning.

The therapist pointed out that I need more routines in my life, so instead of me sitting alone for hours, waiting for Eirik to get up, we will get up together.

As I have huge issues with eating food, we will start having breakfast together each morning. I usually get up earlier then Eirik, and don’t eat anything until he gets up, which often has been like 2 o’clock, by that time my hunger has passed and I just feel sick, so I rarely eat anything.

Another simple thing that we were going to do, is try to write up a list each week, a dinner list. We write what we are going to have a week head of time, so we don’t have to debate or try to figure out what to eat each day. It’s a really simple “problem” but for me, it’s a big problem. Not wanting food and then having do decide what to eat at the same time, usually never ends well. I often say, no thanks, no dinner, or just buy a pizza cause I don’t want any anyways. So if we have a list finished and done, there is no debating, just making it, and trying to eat it.

At the same time, we have to try and have it tidy around the table we eat at. Yes, we live in a big mess right now, lazy BF + depressed “housewife” makes for a messy place, with stuff everywhere. But keeping at least one area in order might increase my appetite and in the longer run, give me more motivation to tackle the rest of the house. Slowly tidying the rest of the house. I’m not sure if this makes sense to anyone of you but, yeah, this is life right now.

Autumn is here, this is also a factor that is affecting me, I hope with me taking more walks, I will be able to see and feel more of the autumn, rather then only the darkness that is coming. Perhaps all the colors that will fall upon nature will cheer me up.

I am feeling better today, a talk with the therapist helped a lot, even more so when BF came along.

I have managed to eat 4 meals today, and that’s a good sign. My belly is full! Yay me 🙂

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So tomorrow is a new chapter, fingers crossed I can get Eirik out of bed at 9, we shook hands on it after all, he better keep his promise 😛

In other news, well it’s not news, I am just sharing uninteresting things…

I decided to buy myself a little journal today, or diary, whatever word you feel comfertable with 😛

It’s just a tiny book, where I will keep short notes of the day that has passed, to keep track of things, to see improvements, to write down things that will be noteworthy in the next chapter. As I am going to start my intensive therapy 3 times a week next week, I figured it would be nice to have a little book to write down keywords in it. I opted for a little white book from Moleskine.

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I’ll probably use it for notes, perhaps some sketching and scrapbooking. I kind of want to start with scrapbooking but right now I don’t have the budget, so I will just start with one of these, maybe glue in some small things, something to help me remember the day that has passed.

I think it will be an interesting book to have in 10 years, to go through, see how life used to be, how far I have come. A reminder that I got through it all.

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